Often the breakdown of a relationship doesn’t really allow for planning. If your breakup is more explosive than simmering, like if your partner has done something unforgivable, and there was an immediate argument, then chances are things will be quite the whirlwind until you can get your head straight.
But, if you’re thinking about a divorce and your partner is either not aware or pretending to be unaware for the sake of peace, you might have time to get things in order until it’s made official. Take a look at our practical tips on how to handle things when you want a divorce.
Do you feel safe?
This is the first thing to address when thinking about divorce. How do you suspect your partner is going to take this? There is always the possibility that they have a side you’ve never seen before, so it’s important to plan for that. If you suspect a verbal blow up but no physical abuse, you might feel safe enough to get through it yourself, or you can have a friend in the room to make you feel a little safer and get it done quickly. There is also the possibility of simply getting out of the house and letting a lawyer handle breaking the news. If that sounds optimal, you can take advantage of your partner being on a business trip or weekend away to pack up and get out.
Do you have a support system?
You might have noticed a few of those tips require another person, and that can be scary if your partner has isolated you from your support system. It’s very likely that the friends and family that were once there are willing to be there again if you get in touch.
You will need a support system no matter the case, because rarely is divorce easy. You might feel loss, or you might feel free, but still feel the effects of that lack of freedom.
Where are you going to go?
If you’re thinking about divorce but you have time, you might want to think about saving up. This will be a lot easier if you can put money away. You can either stay in a hotel or motel room temporarily, or with a friend, but either way that’s a temporary place to go and you’ll need a deposit to get your own place.
This is all in preparation for you leaving, however. If the house is in your name or you’re not willing to give it up, you’ll have to consult with your lawyers on how best to move forward. There is always the chance that your partner also isn’t willing to leave.
Think about the finances
But where do you put those savings? Well, if you haven’t already, you might want to open your own bank account and savings account. You can put away a portion of your income that your partner has no right or access to.
But there is a lot more to it than that. Splitting everything could be easy. 50/50 is the fairest idea, but you or your partner can introduce arguments against that. Get together details of all your assets and decide what is a priority to you before presenting them to your partner or lawyer. You can divorce lawyers in London here.
When You Want a Divorce – Think about the children
Children complicate every aspect of this conversation. Splitting the finances, splitting the house, how you break the news, etc. is all informed by the fact that you have children. Added on is the issue of custody. If the parent that should stay with the child isn’t obvious, its worth noting that beyond biases, judges tend to decide “what is best for the child” based on factors like income, who’s staying at their childhood home, the stability of the parents, etc.