If you’ve been divorced, you may have mixed feelings about getting back into the dating game. You’ve already tried to find a suitable partner once already. But, for whatever reason, that didn’t work out how you planned.
Getting back into the dating game can feel like a bit of an ordeal. Unlike the first time, you’re less naive about the realities of relationships. You don’t unflinchingly believe that they’re going to last forever. And you know that you need to look out for red flags early on as an indication for how things are going to work out in the end.
Some men never go back to romance after a divorce. It’s too traumatic and not worth the risks. That’s perfectly understandable.
Others, however, take the attitude that they’re not going to let one bad apple ruin the rest of their lives. They’re no less deserving of love and tenderness.
Both are equally valid approaches. We make no judgments here.
If you want to get back into the dating game, what should you do to ensure that it’s second time lucky? Never Assume Your New Partner Is Perfect
We have a habit of placing the objects of our affection up on pedestals, believing that they are perfect. But no matter how exhilarating the other person seems, this is never true. Everyone has foibles and is broken in some way. It’s just a question of figuring out how.
Assuming your partner is perfect is destructive for both parties. You wind up getting disappointed when they ultimately fall short of your standards. And the other person starts to believe that their position is unassailable or they begin feeling the pressure never to put a foot wrong. Both lead to unhealthy outcomes.
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Take Time To Define Your Style
Things have changed a lot since you last went dating. You’re probably a lot older now -, and there are no longer any easy pickings like there were at high school or college. You have to work at it to get what you want.
Part of this process is simply working on your style. Yes, you want somebody who will love you, regardless of what you wear. But people take shortcuts – even good women – and so your personal style can have an outsized effect on your chances of success. There’s a big difference between wearing Buzz Rickson and Old Navy. And it’ll have a significant impact on how the other person sees you.
Focus On Your Life, Not Your Romantic Encounters
Finally, look for ways to focus on your life, not your romantic encounters. You don’t want to give the impression that the new person in your life is the only thing you care about. It would help if you had hobbies, friends, and a career that’s going places. A partner should be somebody you take along for the ride, not a person who replaces some giant void at the center of your existence.
Focus on being the best man that you can be. High-quality people will then find you attractive and naturally gravitate towards you.
Contributed post. Feature image via Pexels.