Surviving (and Thriving) Post-Divorce Dating

written by Fred Campos
Surviving (and Thriving) Post-Divorce Dating

[Y]our divorce is over. You’ve taken time to digest and decompress your situation. You want to return to socializing. You want to date again. But how to get started? What are the new dating rules? How do you avoid the pitfalls that befall so many other dads in your situation?

Most divorced dads fear reentering the dating world. Probably topping the list is the uncertainty of how their children will respond.

Post-Divorce Dating Tip: Tell the Kids & Don’t Rush

Before you venture out into that arena, make sure that both parents have told the children that getting back together won’t happen. Then tell them you are moving on and you plan to start dating again. How you do this would depend largely (although not exclusively) on the children’s ages. Your children will be more at ease when they know that their dad has started dating and know what to expect. Explain to them that everyone is uncomfortable with this new arrangement, but that after a time of adjustment, everyone will adapt.

Don’t start dating before you are ready. Doing so will result in you bringing into the dating world the failures, frustrations and bitterness you have harbored after a divorce. Your dates will likely fail, and you will find yourself in the relationship abyss, feeling worse than you did when you started.

Post-Divorce Dating Tip: Determine What You are Looking For

Do you want a serious or a causal relationship? Be careful here. If you say you are looking for a commitment early on, you could end up with a desperate divorcee. And while your divorce stories may result in a ‘bond,’ it will likely prove superficial once the commonality of marital disharmony is exhausted.

You probably don’t need someone going through the same issues as you.

You can bounce back. Guess what? You will have bad dates. You will fail again. There’s no way every encounter will work. Sometimes, that emotional or spiritual connection just isn’t there. This will happen. When it does, avoid throwing yourself a ‘pity-party’ in which you relate everything back to your Ex, and make you give up on dating all over again. Most of the time, it’s no one’s fault. Some people just aren’t meant for togetherness, even on a causal level. Just cut that tie and move on.

[tweet “Some people just aren’t meant for togetherness, even on a causal level.”]

Above all, keep in mind that many others are experiencing the same insecurities that you are, and they are a virtually unavoidable part of re-entering the dating world. Stick with it, laugh about it, and you will figure it out and discover more about you than you ever imagined.

Tell me about your post-divorce dating? What additional tips would you advise?

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