Delay Divorce Until Kids are Grown

written by Fred Campos
Delay the Divorce Until Kids are Grown by Fred Campos

[I] know what you’re saying, “We’re already in the divorce proceedings, we’ve already moved out of the house, we’ve already got things under way. Fred, how is this a tip, and why would I even consider this?”

Win, lose, or draw, you’re not going to have the kind of relationship with your kids on a day-to-day basis as if you were to hang out and stay married. Now I know you’re saying, “Ok, my needs blah blah;” or “I have no control over this—she’s the one moving out.”

What If You Ex Won the Lottery, Could You Delay Divorce?

Consider this scenario: what if tomorrow your Ex called you up on the phone, said “I just won the lottery! If we stay married, we get to share $50 million.” Could you stay married?

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Did that get you? Just for a second? Did you think, “Man, what I could do with twen—waaaait! You can’t fool me!”

For $50 million, do you think you could suffer through this pathetic marriage situation for 2 or 5 years until your kids are grown? When I tell this to dads or co-parenting situations, almost everybody says “Yes!” Because the reward factor is higher than the pain factor!

What Pain Factor Would Keep You Married?

Delay Divorce Until the Kids are Grown by Fred CamposFor that kind of money we could live in separate rooms, we could find some way to make it happen. Well, when people tell me that, it tells me there ARE certain scenarios where they would suffer through and make it go. Even if it’s you who wants out, or there’s infidelity or some unbelievable circumstances, I ask you on behalf of your kids, if you have the control, to really consider delaying the divorce until the kids are grown. Sadly people live in empty marriages or live separate lives under one roof. Could you do so for a season for the sake of your kids?

For some of us that’s not possible, but I wanted you to take a moment and consider it. Pull yourself out and think about it from another point of view. Could you delay this till the kids are totally grown? Or start college? Or out of the house?

Could you do this? Why or why not?

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Comments

2 Comments

  1. CoolStepMom

    There are some good points here. However, not all divorces are up to you. In my previous marriage, I wanted to stay married but that was not the case with my husband. So even for all the reasoning and money in the world. Sometimes marriages are out of our control.

    Good suggestions, nonetheless!

    Reply
    • FullCustodyDad

      CoolStepMom,

      You are right. You can only control yourself. That is one of life’s biggest lessons–understand what you can change and accepting what you can’t. Sometimes I wish it didn’t take one person to end a marriage. It takes two to agree on a marriage, why isn’t the reverse true.

      Nevertheless, it appears you have moved on and have some new kids added to your life to take care of. CoolStepMom is a great handle. I tell my wife Karen, that she is a SuperParentMom. a.k.a. a Cool Step Mom too. Hats off to the step-moms of the world. You are the unsung heroes in my book!

      Reply

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