Things To Remember When You’re In The Midst Of A Divorce!

written by Fred Campos
Midst of a Divorce for

Being in the middle of a divorce is hard. There are so many things to deal with including difficult emotions, it’s no wonder that sometimes it can all feel overwhelming. The good news is you can make it easier to stay focused, and come out with a positive result by following the advice below. Read on to find out more.

Midst of a Divorce – Start Your Divorce Process ASAP

Once you have decided to divorce it makes sense to start the process as soon as possible. Indeed, there are many reasons for this including that the longer and more drawn out the process is, the more painful it can be for everyone involved. With that in mind, once you are sure pressing ahead can be the kindest thing. Then everyone is free to move on with their lives and begin a new chapter.

Of course, it can take some considerable time to decide to divorce, and it is often helpful to get some support from a mental health, or relationship professional like a counselor. Many couples find they can even avoid divorce or separation if they spend some time learning how to better relate and communicate with one another.

Focus on the Future

As you go through your divorce it can be very easy to become sad at what you are losing. Even the best marriages will have some good memories! Of course, it’s important to strike a balance here as wallowing in regret and recriminations can be bad for your own mental health, as well as everyone else involved. Getting bogged down in the negativity of the situation can even have an impact on the way the proceeding goes, making parties less forgiving and likely to come to a fair compromise.

Although, having said that, it’s not healthy to completely repress all the feelings you are going through regarding your divorce either. Instead, you will need to give yourself some time to get in contact with these and healthily process them. This may include setting some boundaries between you and your Ex, taking some time away from them, or even practicing things like mindfulness and meditation. The latter is helpful because they help to put some space between our emotions, and the way that we relate to them and act.

It can also be very helpful to remember that while you are losing one relationship, the best one of your life could still be in front of you. Yes, that is right, focusing on the positives that are to come can help keep you grounded during this challenging stage.


Image located at Pexels – Licence CC0

Make sure you understand what your divorce options mean in the long term

The things that are agreed upon during your divorce proceedings are serious and will have an effect on your life over the long term. That is why it’s vital that you make sure to understand any long-reaching impacts of the things you are agreeing to.

A classic example of this is when a couple fights over who gets their marriage home. Indeed, it’s not uncommon for the male to move out, especially if there are children involved which can leave him at a real disadvantage if he decides he doesn’t want to relinquish ownership of the property later on.

Similarly, any decisions made concerning child custody need to be carefully reviewed and understood before being agreed to. The reason is that they can have a lasting impact on parents’ ability to remain in contact with their children. Indeed, custody is one of the most complex elements that needs to be worked out during a divorce. That is why it’s well worth your time and effort to do your due diligence and read posts like this Guide to Child Custody, so you know exactly what to expect and to look out for. Remember, while it’s possible to have the courts make changes to custody agreements after a divorce, it can take significant time and resources to do so, therefore it’s always better to get it right the first time.

Don’t Ask Your Lawyer to Work Miracles

Next, another important thing to remember when you are going through a divorce, is that while your legal team is hugely valuable, they are not miracle workers. What this means is they are there to guide you down the path of your divorce, but they cannot fix issues like the lack of a prenup, or make choices for you with regards to what is best suited to your needs. Instead, you have to remain focused on what you value, and actively convey this to your legal team.

Let go of the idea of winning

The truth of the matter is that no one wins in a divorce. It’s challenging and upsetting for both sides. The idea that you get to emerge victorious over your ex during your divorce proceedings can be extremely toxic and hurt everyone involved from your ex, to your kids, and even yourself.

Instead, you should be looking to come at your divorce from a place of compassion for all involved. Remember to think about how you would like your relationship with your ex to be in the future, even if it’s not there now. This is especially important when you will need to effectively co-parent your children with your Ex, as getting one over on your Ex in court is very likely to backfire in the long run.

Take a break from social media

Separation and divorce tend to involve a lot of big emotions, and these can very easily overflow and become public, especially when it comes to social media. It is all too simple to vent on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, especially if you are dealing with issues of infidelity, physical, emotional, or financial abuse.

However, what most people don’t realize is that everything you publish on social media is public, and this means it can be easily found and used by your Ex’s legal team. Of course, that means if you are accusing them of things they haven’t done, or that can’t be proved legally you could get into a lot of trouble, which in turn can weaken your case.

What advice would you add?

Contributed post. Feature image via Pixabay.



  1. Valorie Russell

    Fred has written a great article for those looking to get a divorce. This is the kind of article that you need to read before submitting documents, and not after. After all, divorce is very serious, you need to prepare well for it. And if the spouses who are getting divorced have children, then they still need to read this Very helpful too. After all, we all know that divorce hurts children very much. There are times when divorce doesn’t hurt. Like in my situation. My husband and I did not live together for 15 months. During this time we have become completely strangers to each other. They just took the papers suitable for our county, filled it out and sent it to court. I didn’t even miss work that day. But it is very rare to get a divorce so easily. In 90% of cases, divorce hurts deeply.


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