When you’re going through a separation or break up, it can often be very difficult to not want to lash out and hurt your Ex-partner. If you’re hurting, you want them to feel hurt, and while it’s a natural reaction it’s not always the kindest when you have children together. Children are – sadly – the collateral damage left behind by people who once loved each other enough to create them but cannot remember how.
Putting the kids first before your own hurt is important. Rising above is the hardest thing to do when you’ve been hurt by someone else, but if you try to hurt the other person to make yourself feel better, you’ll lose. Instead, you need to keep a level head and put your children first above all else. You can find an investigator for child support and you can negotiate visitation through the court. What you must never do is play your children off your partner and make them be the piggies in the middle of a sad and scary situation. Children are very perceptive and they pick up on animosity and cross words. They hear you when you’re sarcastic retorts, and they don’t want to see and hear the battles between you all. They want to feel secure, loved and wanted, and the best way to do that is to put them first in every single scenario and moment. So, let’s see how to do it.
Commit To Putting the Kids FirstWhether you love each other or not, like each other or not, you will forever be bonded by the children you created. This means that you’re going to need to make an open commitment to your children to consider them and their feelings before you consider how satisfying it would be to hurt your Ex. You need to be open to change and receptive to any constructive feedback and any negativity needs to be left at the door. Your children are not expendable, and neither are their feelings. None of this is easy and we won’t pretend it is; instead, we’ll tell you that you have to make this work for the sake of the kids. Without it, you’re going to watch them struggle and feel insecure.
Choose To Be PositiveIf you are the parent paying child support, don’t roll down the road into petty and refuse. Pay for your kids and don’t use withholding money to punish your Ex. It doesn’t punish your Ex and it shouldn’t make you feel better to withdraw financing. Choose positivity and choose to believe that the person that looks after your children the majority of the time is only ever acting in their best interest. You need to have the attitude that while you two may not like each other, you both love your kids, and that’s a reason for solidarity. Not only that, but you’re choosing to be the kind of person you want your child to look up to.
Maintain RoutinesNo matter what, keep your routines going. Your children need security right now – and you’re putting the kids first.
Contributed post. Feature image via Pexels.