Keeping the Peace

written by Fred Campos
Keeping the Peace

[P]arenting is probably the hardest thing that any one person, any marriage, goes through. You change and grow as people and while your children grow, you often lose sight of each other, too. Do you know what makes parenting so much harder? Splitting with your partner. But it’s not for the reason that you think. Splitting away from a marriage is not easy to cope with, nor is it going to be a smooth ride from start to finish. However, finding the peace in the whole situation comes full circle when you bring it back to parenting.

Those children that you’ve got playing outside right now? You both played a part in creating those kids. That means that no matter how bad things have gone in your marriage, those children are going to always be half of the other person you are splitting from. Which means that no matter how intense the feelings of negativity between you, you need to find your child in your Ex and you need to hold onto that. No matter how stressful things get, from the confidential consultation with a lawyer to breaking the news that you want a divorce in the first place, you need to keep the peace. You loved this person with your whole heart once, and you loved them enough to create a little piece of immortality that walks the world with you. You have to stay on the same page together where the children are concerned, so that this transition is going to be easy for them – no matter how hard it is for you.

Keeping the Peace

Talk calmly to each other, because your children can hear you. Act calmly around each other, because your children can see you. Show each other respect, because your children will copy you. If your children see you tearing down their other parent, they’re going to feel like you’re tearing down half of them, so you see, you can’t hate their other parent too much. Putting yourself into a position of moving through this new situation with ease won’t be easy. There will be days where you cry, and you wonder if you’re doing the right thing and you wish things had been different. The thing is, you deserve to be peaceful here. You deserve a life that makes you feel happy and content. If divorce is the road to it, then make it as simple as you can. Discuss, don’t shout. Talk, don’t argue. You can go through the therapy and the counseling and the trial separation, but when all is said and done, all that matters is that as a family you come out the other side. It may not be what you set out for when you got married: no one ever says ‘I do’ thinking that they will divorce one day.

Life throws a different dice sometimes. Focus on your children and make sure that they are whole and comfortable throughout the process, and you can survive it.

What additional advise would you add?

Contributed post. Feature image via Image by Pixels.



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