A Word On The Evil Ex Theory

written by Fred Campos

Most of us don’t quite know when we started thinking that Exes were doomed to be evil. But there’s something oddly appealing about it. Perhaps, we’re simply so used to watching the media portray past relationships from a negative angle that we automatically assume that the Ex is always wrong. When you think about your Ex-partner, you bring in the conversation clichés and images from all your favorite movies. She’s madder than Diaz in Vanilla Sky. She’s broken all your dreams like Michael Pitt in Hedwig and the Angry Inch. She’s gotten just as obsessive about you as Mark Wahlberg was about his girlfriend in Fear. You get the idea. The Ex is always evil, that’s the only way to talk about them, right? Except that you’re wrong. It’s time to put an end to the evil Ex conversation.

Evil Ex – Because you’ve chosen the Ex

First of all, if there should be one reason to show respect to your Ex, it’s the fact that you’ve chosen your partner. As a parent, you need to be a role model to your child. It’s fine to show that you and your partner have grown apart. Not all relationships are meant to last. And teaching your child that breakups happen is a good lesson. But as a role model, you need to show them that a breakup doesn’t have to be a pit of anxiety. Children who develop mental health problems such as high stress or unhealthy relationships tend to be influenced by their parents’ nasty split. So don’t add more stress by painting an unbalanced portrait of evilness.

Because you’ve got your share of responsibilities

Separation is never a one-sided decision. When you embrace the process of getting divorced, you need to think of it as teamwork. It’s an odd idea, at first but divorce lawyers for men warn about costly mistakes than men do when they don’t take their Exes into consideration. This could increase costs dramatically and also affect your custody rights. Besides, intentionally hiding things from your Ex as you are getting divorced could also drag the process way longer than it needs to be.

Evil Ex – Because disagreements don’t mean war

It’s in human nature to seek social approval. So when we are in disagreement with an individual, we could react aggressively. The disagreement is perceived as the opposite of social approval, which is why we instinctively protect ourselves. Even if loving a relationship, a disagreement can escalate into a conflict when you bring your emotional interpretation of the situation. We get hurt or angry describes a variety of emotions, but ultimately, it’s a way of criticizing the other because you feel under attack when they disagree. It’s a tricky situation for couples, so it’s fair to say that it can get even more difficult when you’re separated. Yet, disagreeing doesn’t mean you should pursue a conflictual relationship with your Ex. You can learn to discuss your differences by embracing your EQ. Ultimately, you don’t live in a Hollywood movie. Your Ex isn’t as psychotic as Diaz in Vanilla Sky or as thrillingly obsessive as Wahlberg in Fear. Your Ex is a person who, like you, is going through the disappointment and hurt of a broken relationship. You may not become friends again. But you can hold out an olive branch in acknowledgment that your Ex isn’t as evil as you used to think.
What advice would you add?
Contributed post. Feature image via Unsplash – CC0 License.



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