For court appointments of any kind, drive your oldest most conservative car. Upon exiting the vehicle you show your confidence with a smile. You don’t know who you will pass on your way into the building. You could be passing attorneys, jury members and judges. In my case, it was a jury trial that lasted three days. So there were jury members I was not allowed to talk to but whom I nevertheless saw in the restroom and shared elevators with.
Judges, opposing counsels, witnesses, are parking cars next to yours, walking in behind you and either getting the doors held for them by you—or else closed in their faces. During my trial, I saw dads and other people going to court who were losing their cool in the parking garage—cussing, cutting up, saying negative things about their spouses—while judges and jury members were still watching them. Folks, your trial is not going on inside a vacuum. It is therefore up to you to keep your act clean both in and out of the courtroom.
Later in other tips, I’ll tell you about getting to do a post-trial interview with a jury member, and how close I came to not getting custody despite all my preparations and hard work. It comes down to little things like whether you were polite, whether you held doors open, how you spoke, if you made good eye contact. It is imperative to your success that you maintain your composure until the moment you leave and drive calmly away in your car.
This is an excerpt from “Daddy Got Custody” by Fred Campos due out soon. Copyright 2011.
What tips have you learned from court?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
New follower. Fortunately, my divorce did not involve attorneys or court but I am interested in reading more about your experiences.
Best,
Pippi
Great post. You never know who is watching. Same can be said for what we write in the blogosphere. I’m very aware of the electronic footprint I leave.
Look forward to reading more of your writing!
Thanks Pippi & DadsHouse!
More tips coming your way, stay tuned! As a follow-up thought, I’ve gotten some negative email about this post. Right, wrong, or indifferent, we live in a society that judges people by their appearance–from the clothes they wear, to the cars they drive. I wish we lived in a society that could look at custody very objectively. That is simply NOT true. The system allows criminals to wear suits in court, used car dealers to paint and repolish cars, and home sellers to vacuum and bake cookies before a walkthrough. As people, we tend to put our best foot forward and it doesn’t always represent our true self. In court, you simply must do this. Not for trickery, as some might suggest, but rather for understand that it is way the organization operates.
Hi Fred!c I nominated your blog for the Sunshine award “Full Custody Dad — Sometimes the father is just the better parent. Fred encourages fathers to not only seek custody but helps them see how to do it.” Please come to my blog at http://www.affaircare.com and get the award so you can display it here and let everyone know that your courage brings sunshine to others.
Cindy,
thank you so much! I’m a little late on the draw here but I truly appreciate what you do! Let’s continue to help families!
Great post. Now following you on twitter. I’m really sorry that you had to go through all of this. My younger brother also managed to get full custody of his daughter after years of court wranglings. Sometimes the better parent is the father.
I look forward to reading more.
Best of luck
Jack
Thanks Jack, by the way, very cool website as well. Dads, check out Jack’s http://DivorcedNotBroken.com
Hey, I really loved your write-up. When do you feel you will update your webpage next?
More tips coming your way, stay tuned! As a follow-up thought, I’ve gotten some negative email about this post. Right, wrong, or indifferent, we live in a society that judges people by their appearance–from the clothes they wear, to the cars they drive. I wish we lived in a society that could look at custody very objectively. That is simply NOT true. The system allows criminals to wear suits in court, used car dealers to paint and repolish cars, and home sellers to vacuum and bake cookies before a walkthrough. As people, we tend to put our best foot forward and it doesn’t always represent our true self. In court, you simply must do this. Not for trickery, as some might suggest, but rather for understand that it is way the organization operates.
+1
Dene,
I could not have said it better myself. Unfortunately, that is the way the system works.